Girls Gone Milder? Here we go again...

Please take a moment to consider the influx of messages girls and women receive about how they should look, talk, act, what they can be, do and say.

Its exhausting for me, at 24 years old, to move through all that mess and just be myself, so I can’t even imagine how frustrating it must be for adolescent and teen girls to see past all those ridiculous social expectations.

Imagine the wheels turning in my head, then, when I discovered an article in Newsweek last Thursday titled Girls Gone Milder. What exactly could that mean? Sounds fishy to me, especially after working at Hardy Girls Healthy Women for almost a year now.

(you can read the article here.)

The article, written by Jennie Yabroff for Newsweek, examines a new movement towards a more demure existence for teen girls, as outlined by the woman who wrote the book (literally!) on modesty. Yabroff cites several new websites for clothing and socializing with a modest spin and speaks to Wendy Shalit of ModestlyYours.net.

In Shalit’s new book, Girls Gone Milder, she claims girls are sick and tired of having overt sexuality pushed on them. “She blames the usual suspects: media, misguided feminist professors, overly permissive parents... They’ve lost the sense of encouraging their daughters to be ladylike.”

So who are these teen girls tired of the sex-saturated state of the nation, rejecting “the bad girl archetype for a more demure existence?” And please remind me again, what is "ladylike" and why is it so important? She says that these girls "cover up... insist on curfews on college campuses ...bring their moms on dates...”

Yabroff then cites our good friends in girl empowerment The Girls As Grantmakers program, claiming (without actually naming the organization) that this new movement of girls also spreads the word about modesty. (Based in Pennsylvania, this group is best known for girlcotting Abercrombie & Fitch last year for their obnoxious attitude tee shirts with phrases like “Who Needs Brains When You Have These?”)

Let me just tell you what I think is going on here. I was surprised by work like this- an article printed in Newsweek with absolutely NO cultural analysis, no discussion with the pros, and furthermore an obvious conservative (modest) spin.

Should we let her know that next time it will be better to contact Lyn Mikel Brown for an opinion before asserting a new movement among girls? I think so.

We do a lot of work (and Lyn especially) considering the ways that mass media misuses the concept of girl power for money-driven schemes- another way to create anxiety so girls will spend- and now it seems that Shalit uses the concept in the opposite light, taking power from girls so that they remain modest, demure. Proper.

While the meaning and use of Girl Power seems to change so frequently and conveniently for whosoever chooses to use the term, does the term really mean anything anymore? Originally that concept was used for that happy state in between overt sexuality and social rules of modesty-- oh right I believe that's the place where you can find REAL girls. Wasn't it once about celebrating the unique and dynamic nature of every girl?

The only evidence of a new modesty movement among the female youth of this country is that Wendy Shalit says there is. Is this article supposed to make us feel culturally better?

Whew- what a relief- those girls are going back to longer skirts and chaperones- now I think we are safe.

Now, don't get me wrong, we don't like the sexualization of girls one bit. But we also don't want girls having to consider what is "proper" and "improper," we want girls to live in a culture where they can BE THEMSELVES and those ridiculous definitions don't exist.

Is a movement towards modesty going to save us from a sexual revolution that's gone "too far"? Isn't there much more to consider in this case? This article annoys me --- well, my HGHW comrades and I --- because once again pressure is present for girls to fit themselves into simplistic and limiting labels- that classic dichotomy of the good girl (modest) or bad (immodest).

How exhausting.

Even more specifically, this writing makes me angry because without cultural analysis/evidence to work with, Yabroff uses an example of a super social action (a girlcott) against a major corporation

(something we are totally proud of and did ourselves earlier this year with a bad tee shirt and Kmart- see past blogs below...)

completely out of context. Had she properly named the organization, and I will do it again for them - The Girls as Grantmakers Program- then a modesty movement would matter very little in the face of the dynamic and empowered girls that brought about that fabulous change.

Company execs of Abercrombie not only met with those girls, they removed the most offensive shirts from all their shelves and made apologies.

Wish we could say as much for the elusive CEO of Kmart, but still girls are doing great things to defend their right to be girls all over the place.

In fact, the reference would make little sense if readers were aware that much like us (Hardy Girls Healthy Women), the organization allows girls space to empower themselves through social action while also celebrating the unique and dynamic nature of every girl.

Meaning: girls are much, much more that these ridiculous and lazy labels - they are smart, strong, bold, loud, creative, complex and dynamic. And much, much more..

This article is frustrating because we work to create a more equitable culture for girls and women, so that they may thrive and be all those wonderful things listed above (and much much more.) This hypothetical "modesty movement” only creates more unecessary pressure for girls, another hoop to jump through on the way to finding comfort in one's own skin.

Please check out the AWESOME LIST on the Hardy Girls Healthy Women website -a comprehensive listing of pro-girl organizations and sites- to counteract the pro- "modesty" sites listed in Yabroff’s article.

As always, if you have any questions or would like more information about Hardy Girls Healthy Women, please send an email to info@hghw.org.

Thank you!

Have we gotten under Kmart's skin?

Well, last I posted, we were still waiting for an answer from Kmart about their willingness to help prevent domestic violence. Apparently it's something that's taking them quite a bit of time to think over. We did receive a call last week from Kim Feeley -- the one who initially informed us, in essence, that our request might offend some of the shoppers they were trying to appeal to. I guess the batterers’ demographic is the one they are hoping to attract. In her phone call she asked that we remove the petition to Alwyn Lewis the CEO of their parent company, Sears Holdings. We know that they've gotten at least 350 petition signatures faxed to them and I guess it's irritating to be getting them when they claim they've removed the t-shirts from the shelves. We could declare victory but we're in this for a bigger reward -- one that could make a difference for the one in four people in this country who are victims of domestic violence. We assured Ms. Feeley that we would take the petitions down when we received some confirmation in writing that they had in fact removed the shirt. Not that we don't want to believe what they say but we would like an answer to our initial letter and our follow-up letter and we really like the certainty of words on a page as opposed to those over the phone.

We did receive an emailed response -- actually a pitiful response, but one nonetheless that they said they sent to store managers. So, true to our word, we've removed the petition...but we've replaced it with another that asks for a response to our request that they take a leadership role as a corporation and partner with local dv and sexual assault programs in the towns in which they have stores. We've faxed them a letter with a request for their response and we've called and left a message for Mr. Lewis.

In the meantime, victims are living in fear and suffering needlessly. We can change the cultural acceptance of violence against women and children but it will take each of us doing our part. Feel free to download the petition and fax it to Mr. Lewis yourselves. We know it worked on getting them to pull the shirts.

Wife beating, Its a dirty job but somebody has to it

Well, imagine my surprise to learn when reading a reader's comment that someone must undertake the dirty job of wife beating. It's almost enough to make me stop reading the "Readers Respond" columns under the stories published in 4 out of the 5 daily papers in Maine about the Kmart Attitude 66 tshirt Hardy Girls and Boys to Men teens asked Kmart to remove from its shelves. While it was painful enough to learn that Kmart and its parent company Sears Holdings Corp. thought the t-shirt's message "light-hearted" even though it was clearly a depiction of violence against a young girl, it's deeply troubling to read the blogs. Clearly they are written by angry men. But why? These men all had mothers and grandmothers and, many no doubt have sisters, aunts and daughters. Do they think that's what those women deserve or is it just that misogyny is so mainstream that they don't even question what they are writing/saying/thinking.

I'll stop now because I really hope that you will follow the link to Bob Herbert's Why Arent' We Shocked and then start to think, especially if you are male, what you can do to reverse this attitude. After all, when you come right down to it, it's really only men who can stop violence against women and children.

Problem NOT Solved

Are they kidding? After being asked, oh so politely, by 4 young people from *Hardy Girls Healthy Women and Boys to Men, to remove a Route 66 Attitude t-shirt making a joke of violence against a girl, Kimberly Freely, Mgr. of Corporate Relations for Sears Holdings Corporation said "no". According to Ms. Freely, the shirt's message is not meant to be taken as supporting domestic violence. She claims the company "in no way promotes, supports or condones this type of behavior." Besides, she says, the figures are cartoon characters, not real people. The manufacturer said the t-shirt depicts a brother and sister.

Hmm, what does they think domestic violence is if not something that takes place within a family? Last night on Maine Public Broadcasting's Maine Things Considered ( http://www.mpbn.net/radio/stories.html ) another company spokesperson Chris Brathwait declared "In general, Attitutude t-shirts are meant to be light-hearted...we serve a diverse customer base". What do they find light-hearted about a crime which 1/3 of women in American report suffering from? And, everyone agrees, the reports are nowhere close to the real numbers. He went on to note the the Hardy Girls and Boys to Men letter to Aylwin Lewis, CEO of Sears Holdings was one of the very few the company had received....or maybe one of the few they are acknowledging.

In case you are thinking of adding your voice to those of Hardy Girls and Boys to Men, here are the three things we've asked the company to do:

1) pull the shirts immediately (and don't dump them in developing countries)
2) become a leader in the efforts to prevent violence against women and children
3) partner with the domestic violence and sexual assault programs in every town in which they have a store to provide their employees with training so that they can recognize, refer and get help for domestic violence or sexual assault if they need to.

Aylwin B. Lewis, President Sears Holdings 3333 Beverly RoadHoffman Estates, IL 60179 Primary Phone: 847-286-2500Secondary Phone: 1-800-549-4505Fax: 847-286-7829E-Mail: Aylwin B. Lewis, Sears Holdings or
http://www.kmart.com/custserv/custserv.jsp?contentId=1phone number 1-866-562-7848.

*the site might be down. we've been overwhelmed with hits but expect it will be back up shortly!